the things that they don’t tell you…

Warning- this is a terribly honest post. The sensor I had pre-pregnancy that made me into a somewhat reserved but always polite person has all but flown out of the window. I tend now to think something and then say it, or in this case write it and then post it for all of the world to see…

Recently, I have had conversations about the things pregnancy/birth related that people just don’t tell you before you get pregnant. One sweet dear person that I was talking to most recently said, “It’s like mothers join a club after having a baby and they all tell you that pregnancy is a wonderful and precious experience- you should do it, go ahead get pregnant. They convince you to think that it’s all rainbows and sprinkles so you go ahead and commit. Then when you do they say Ha, Sucker!! Now that you are committed and cannot back out let me tell you the truth about what really happens…” It’s evil and well just not nice!

I fortunately, have had a few dear friends that have told me the things that the books forget to mention. I was fully committed at the time when I came to these realizations but the honesty has been nice, a little nerve racking, but nice just the same. I have been warned about all of the following
-the placenta that just “hangs out” in the delivery room after birth like someone actually wants to see it at that point. Why don’t they take it away or cover it up??
-about all of the possible things that I may do during delivery (I won’t speak of them here in the hope that some of them won’t happen to me)
-about the things that I won’t be able to do post delivery
-the tremendous postpartum mood swings that make you think you are going insane (as if I don’t have big enough mood swings as it is- so sorry Jamie)
-the extreme difficulty post delivery that I will have performing anything that was once a normal bodily function
-that for the first little bit (at least) laughing, coughing or sneezing will scare the daylights out of me because who know what will pop out of me or just pop for that matter. Laughing- really?? I love to laugh, especially when I am sleep deprived, which I am told I will most definitely be…
Does this sound like rainbows and sprinkles, nope I think not. What I am thinking right now is that this kid better be cute! That and
-I cannot get comfortable to save my life right now.
-When did I become one of those people that needs an extra pillow behind my back while sitting in a chair?
-Why didn’t anyone tell me that I would have to gather momentum to get myself out of bed or off of the couch?
-I wonder just how often I spend in the bathroom per day? On second thought, I probably don’t want to know.
-I think we should come up with a new term for waddle, one that is endearing and maybe even sexy.
-Since when do I have long legs, they seem to be growing the more I have to tie my shoes.
-“Squirrel!” I have a case of adult ADD at it’s finest.
-I cannot wear my rings anymore and my toes are starting to resemble sausages.
-I didn’t think that it was possible for my stomach to be relocated and squished into my rib cage.
-Since when did the kicks from my precious little boy change from endearing to jolting and distracting…
Honesty- I told you, my sensor is broken. However, all that being said I do promise to be honest with anyone that asks, I am starting a new club and anyone willing to share the gruesome and the gory is welcome to join.

2 thoughts on “the things that they don’t tell you…

  1. wow…well because of all the candor I'm seriously considering to not bear any of Billy's children. He may be mildly upset about this! ha ha ha Google-ing surrogacy as we speak!

    Like

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