Lately I have been quite concerned with checking things off of a “to do” list.  With the holidays fast approaching, a new baby’s arrival pending (or at least it was) the white board on the fridge and lists (yes that is multiple) on my iPhone have been a revolving door of things to do.  Prepare some meals for when baby arrives, stock pantry and toiletry cabinet, purchase  Christmas gifts, work on the handmade gifts we are giving this year, do the laundry, clean the house, steam clean the carpets, finish photos- personal and otherwise and this isn’t even the half of it…  The lists went on and on and when I or Jamie checked something off I was able to add another two or three things to replace it.  To say the least it began causing me stress, I would check the lists before bed and make adjustments before my head could “shut off” for the evening and sleep.  I would worry that I wouldn’t be able to get it all done and felt guilty when I didn’t end up accomplishing much during the day. Heck, I even stopped taking as many photographs of our day to day because I didn’t need (want) to add any more photos to the to be edited stack…

It has taken me a while to realize it (and I am not sure that I have fully grasped the concept yet) however I am surely working on it but those kinds of lists won’t ever end and they are not what is important.  There will always be laundry to do, a house to clean, another project to be added to the to do list; what will end is the time when my children are small, a time when they want me to be there and need only my undivided attention.

Charlie came 10 days early surprising all of us and catching me with an unfinished list.  Since he has arrived I have been forced to slow down, to let my list go unfinished and to focus on what really maters… my family.  My time with Jay is more limited now so I am trying to be more deliberate about it and trying not to multitask while he is around.  I am spending extra time reading stories, playing with cars, stopping to really listen when he talks to me or wants to show me something, helping when he asks in his sweet little voice “help me Mommy, help me”, and grabbing the extra hug or kiss when he slows down long enough to give them.  I am trying to just sit back and enjoy all of the time I am getting with Charlie- to cuddle him, shower him with kisses, to enjoy the 3am and 4am feedings, to marvel at just how tiny and perfect he is.  I am trying to appreciate (outwardly) all that Jamie does for me and the boys and sneak time for the two of us whenever possible.  I am making an effort to pick up my camera and shoot until my heart’s content because even if I don’t get to editing all of the photos I have taken, I will some day and regardless of when I get to them I will be grateful that I took them- that I captured the tiny baby smiles or a little boy engrossed in his “fast cars”.  I will want to remember those moments, the ones that only last for the blink of an eye.  So while realistically my to do lists won’t be vanishing any time soon, I am not consumed by them anymore and I have started to add to do’s of another variety… like go to to the park, play cars and cuddle in the hammock ;)

And because all posts are better with a few photos, here’s a few of our little Charlie…